Good conversations:

August 26, 2010

I’ve had some good conversations with my girls the past couple of days. One of them sort of struck me more acutely than the others. I was talking to all three of them last night right after dinner. Whitney began the conversation by saying that it will be strange going to school on Monday without a “Caroline sticky”. Every year, Caroline would write a little something for each of the kids on a sticky note on their first day of school. It might have just been a short  doodle with a smiley face ending or a list of things that the kids needed to remind themselves about going back to school. I didn’t realize, and I don’t know if even Caroline noticed, that each of the kids kept those notes over the years. It’s something that, even if I can’t repeat it the way Mom did, I’ll have to remember on Monday morning.

So after that initial memory from Whitney, all three of them got quiet. Zoe piped up with, “I can’t believe Mom’s really not coming home.” That led to some tears, but it also led to some moments of smiles a few minutes later when the three of them shared some memories of their mother. And then my youngest took her turn. She said, “Daddy, it’s a long future without Mom in it.” That sort of broke everything up, and I didn’t know how to respond to her. And it’s true. It’s a long future without her Mom, and it’s hard to explain to an 11-year-old that her mother will still be with her even though she can’t see her. They want their mom, and I can’t give them that. But it was good to be able to talk with the girls, and I hope that line of communication will always be there; even during the times that they wish I would leave them alone.


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